Continuing with a series about PA’s we’ve had living with us in the past, there was a “character” that displayed some interesting behaviour over the short period of a few days that we had her. Being an astute judge (and knowing what’s he likes and what he doesn’t) SA’s Spidey senses were tingling pretty much from day one. This PA talked a lot, didn’t listen much and liked to do things her way. Which meant she rejected the methods of anyone who had come before her, regardless of what we liked. At first I found this little firecracker quite entertaining, she was obviously capable and it was quite amusing seeing Nev being whipped into shape by a Peggy Mitchell for a few days. SA on the other hand felt like he was being treated like naughty child, incapable of independent thought or decision.
Over the course of the weekend, she found more issues with the previous PA than actually existed. And she recorded having found grade 3 pressure sores on SA (which in reality actually require immediate hospitalisation). Oddly no-one else including SA or his backside had noticed these before or since.
She smoked roll-ups more frequently and aggressively than Nick Cotton. Perhaps we should have enquired at some point where she disposed of her fag ends – it never occurred to us that she might have been making a little pile on the patio just out of sight, which she fully intended to leave.
I mentioned that she talked a lot. Well she did, and some of it even made sense. By the end of the weekend she seemed to have worked herself up into a strong conviction that our house was unsafe and unhygienic. Despite me doing my best to be nice in the interests of not angering the hornet, she started to do this strange thing where she would dramatically make to get out of my way when our paths crossed, demonstratively throwing herself flat back against the wall. Either she was telling me I needed to lose some weight or I had made her feel like she was in my way. Now I don’t believe I had done this as I do not start to let on that PA’s are in my way until at least the first week is over and this started after 2 days. By the last day SA couldn’t bear her and started to try and do things himself, which resulted in frequent exclamations of “Oh Shit” and “Oh FFS” as various things got in the way or got dropped. Or he get me to do certain things for him just so he didn’t have to have her in the room.
We felt like she was doing the job under duress and were actually concerned for her. She got increasingly slurry and incoherent over the 4 days. The morning she was due to change over and our previous PA return, I stood cleaning my teeth on one side of SA’s bathroom wall while she ranted to him on the other side about issues with contamination and practices within the house that couldn’t go unreported. After I had mopped up the spit and toothpaste that had dribbled down my front while I listened, agog, I told SA I thought it would be best if she leave before the two of us went to work. The thought of this woman taking inventory of the fridge and swabbing my sinks was frankly giving me the heebie jeebies. The best SA could negotiate with her was that she would have some breakfast and then leave. We could not in all fairness make her leave sooner. The fact was that we could have but this lady clearly had issues and we weren’t going to poke the Piranha. So we grudgingly both left for work hoping she would have a quick bit of toast and not the full english.
Perhaps we should have insisted because when our regular PA arrived at 2pm Peggy was still in situ and launched a tirade of criticism and general freaking out upon the young girl.
Then it got to 3pm, I was due home with the children and our guest still wouldn’t leave. The main reason apparently was because she hadn’t yet had her breakfast.
SA actually resorted to threatening to call the police to which she basically responded ‘bring it on’.
She did leave shortly after that and in one last act of defiance, took with her one of the new PA’s shoes . . .